Christian Humor

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. “Reverend,,” said the young man, “I’m so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.” The minister chuckled, “I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.”

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, “I know what the Bible means!” His father smiled and replied, “What do you mean, you ‘know’ what the Bible means?” The son replied, “I do know!” “okay,” said his father. “What does the Bible mean?” “That’s easy, Daddy,” the young boy replied excitedly, “It stands for ‘Basic Information Before Leaving Earth’.”

Give me sense of humor, Lord
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And to pass it on to other folk!

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. “Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk. “Only the Ten Commandments.” answered the lady.

Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,” And there are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, It’s morning.”

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: “I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, Ill miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.” When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note “I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.”

Christian One-Liners

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

Gold loves everyone, but probably prefers “fruits of the spirit” over religious nuts!”

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

He who angers you, controls you!

If God is your Copilot-swap seats!

Prayer: Don’t give God instructions – just report for duty!

The will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not Protect you.

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

Lines from Church Bulletins
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be What Is Hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5: PM-prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement of Friday afternoon.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.